December 29, 2023 - You’ve often heard the expression “children say the darnedest things”, which originated with Art Linkletter. It is a true saying or observation? The following comments have been collected by health and science teachers from their students’ test papers, essays, and reports.
- The body consists of three parts - the Branium, the Borax, and the Abominable cavity. The Branium contains the brain, the Borax contains the heart and lungs, and the Abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - A E I O and U.
- Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
- H20 is hot water, and C02 is cold water.
- To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
- When you smell odorless gas it is probably carbon monoxide.
- Water is composed of two gins - Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
- Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes, and catapillars.
- Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
- Respiration is composed of two acts: First, inspiration, and then expectoration.
- The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
- Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
- Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
- A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
- Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
- The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
- The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out, and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch at to.
- A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
- The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends toward the moon because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
- A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is the more extinct it is.
- Equator - A menagerie lion running around the earth through Africa.
- Germinate - To become a naturalized German.
- Liter - A nest of young puppies.
- Magnet - Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
- Momentum - What you give a person who is going away.
- Planet - A body of earth surrounded by sky.
- Rhubarb - A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
- Vacuum - A large empty space where the Pope lives.
- Before giving blood, find out if it is affirmative or negative.
- To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
- For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
- For a dog bite - Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
- To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
- For fainting - Rub the person’s chest. Or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or, put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
- To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
Now, wasn’t that a lot of fun? Perhaps some of these students have gone on to make doctors, scientists, or perhaps writers.
